-Incoming Call-
by letusin
Summary: Collection of South Park VIDEO CALLS!
1. SMtoKM

SO, excluding the long ass story i'm currently working on in my own time, i decided to do something to fill in the gap

i got quite a few requests to continue _-Message Received-_ , but i wanted to do something different, ya know?

**facebook is a lil over-rated, so this is basically FaceTime/Skype calls to one another. gonna see how it goes and stuff**

**and yep, this is a requested fic, so GIMMI YA FAV PAIRINGS**

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**Incoming FaceTime call from Kenny McCormick to Stan Marsh.**

"What the fuck do you want?"

Kenny scoffed, offended that his raven friend would use such a harsh tone towards him. "Geez, what's up your ass?"

"Dude, it's three in the fucking morning, you woke me up!"

"Well sorreey for tryin' to socialise with my best friend." The blond emphasised the apology in a sassy manor. He heard the faint sound of Stan switching the lamp on his nightstand on and it instantly blinded him. After taking a second to adjust to the uncomfortable brightness, he pushed himself up from the mattress he was currently lying on and rested his back against the headboard.

He squinted slightly at his blond friend on the screen of his iPhone. "You better not be fucking around with me here, Kenny."

"Not with that attitude I'm not."

Stan's grudge against being woken up at such an inappropriate time almost vanished and his lips managed to tug at the sides a little. He would have showed his amusement by scoffing or grunting, but his mood was still very grouchy. "What do you want?"

"I gotta show you somethin'"

By now, Stan had realised that Kenny's room was completely bright, telling him that he probably had been up for some time now.

"Couldn't you have waited until tomorrow?"

"No, I'll forget. This is super important, I swear."

"Fine, show me."

The blond's sheepish smile, turned into a toothy grin and he settled his hand-me-down phone device onto the wooden desk chair. Stan waited patently, trying his best to stay awake. He watched his friend leave the screen for a few moments, before returning with what looked like, a very colorful object in his palm. Kenny lifted it so that the raven could see what it was.

"A Rubik's cube?" Stan suggested, an eyebrow raised.

"You can see that it's all mixed up right?"

"Uh, yeah, looks pretty beat up."

Kenny nodded and looked down at the mismatched object. "Kay, just watch." His fingers began to twist and turn the corners of the cube, aligning each colour to a specific order, an order in which Stan couldn't even begin to understand. His bright blue eyes focused on a particular face - the one with that was gradually turning into orange. Stan observed his blond friend with wonder, intrigued at how fast Kenny's hand movements were going.

The order of the object's faces were progressing after each rotation and soon enough, the cube was complete. The last movement of the last algorithm left Stan speechless. This was amazing. There was no way Kenny was capable of learning the Rubik's cube.

"What the- no way, dude!"

"Fuck yeah!" Kenny held up the object one last time to show Stan its completion, before throwing it back onto his bed.

"How the hell did you do that?"

"I'm a fuckin' genius is how!" The blond smiled proudly, but added a small side note, "Well, that and Kyle may have helped me out a bit."

Stan rolled his eyes, but no doubt was he shocked at Kenny's achievement. Suppose it gave his academic side a bit of a boost.

The two continued to chat for a further five minutes, mainly talking about the perfect idea of making a bet with Cartman. They couldn't talk for too long though, because Stan announced that he really needed to go. He didn't want to fall asleep while their call was still on, much to Kenny's dismay.

"S'fine, dude. I'll leave you to get back to bed."

"Yeah, you should get some sleep too, Ken. You're getting red eyes again."

The blond shrugged off comment, but agreed with his friend anyway. "Don't worry, I don't need'a worry 'bout getting no beauty sleep. Got enough beauty as it is."

Stan smirked slightly and slid back down to lay on his bed. "Shut up, man. I'll see you tomorrow."

Kenny sniggered and gave a quick wave to the camera. "Yeah, catch ya later, Stannyboy. Sweet dreams."

**End of call.**

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**psst, my sister is an A* student and i'm a like a C/D, so it makes me feel sooo much better knowing how to complete a rubik's lmao  
**


	2. ECtoKB

**IcecFireFrenzy, this is for yooou. kyman has always been my otp and it makes me sad that people are starting to go off em :c**

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**Incoming Skype call from Eric Cartman to Kyle Broflovski.**

"Hey, Jew."

"Bother someone else, fatass, I'm busy."

"I can't. Poorboy is working and Butters is out with his parents."

"And Stan?"

Cartman scoffed, "Too vanilla."

Kyle looked up from his homework and exhaled a very frustrated sigh. It was Sunday afternoon and normally the boys would be hanging out, but it was raining, which only meant they were limited to what they could do. Kyle decided to use the gloomy weather as an opportunity to crack on with his school work, Stan was seeing Wendy sometime during the day and Kenny, other than work, had a date. So Cartman had no choice but to spend his Sunday annoying Kyle.

"Then go masturbate or something."

"Uh, duh? I've already done that."

"Well then go and- look, I don't even care. Just leave me alone, I'm trying to study."

Cartman frowned as he watched Kyle's attention fall back down to his desk. "Studying s'for pussies."

"Smooth."

"I'm bored, Kahl."

"Then find something entertaining to do."

Cartman sunk further into his seat and began to drum the table with his fingers. He glanced around his room, but couldn't find anything interesting to waste time with. He needed to socialise, but his options of who to socialise with were very limited. His eyes returned to his computer screen, feeling deflated that Kyle was more interested in getting on with his work than anything else.

But it sparked an idea.

"Did you know that the word 'Jew' originally came from the people who hate Jewish people."

"..Genius."

"Yeah, and did you know that when the male bee climaxes, their balls explode and then they die."

The lack of response slightly agitated Cartman, but he continued anyway, "Hey, hey Kahl. Can I ask you something?"

Kyle didn't answer.

"It's actually really important."

There was still no answer.

"I.. have something really personal to ask you."

Nothing.

"Like, I'm getting kinda nervous just thinking about it."

After ending his sentence with a full stop, Kyle dropped his pen and looked back up to his laptop screen. "What is it, Cartman?" He deadpanned.

"Okay, so would you rather watch your parents have sex for a whole year, or join in once to make it stop?"

The redhead's reaction was a slight flinch. He knew Cartman was trying to annoy him by coming up with complete nonsense and it was starting to work. "Dude, sick, I'm not answering that."

"But you have to, that's the whole point of the game."

"I didn't even agree to join in!"

"So? just answer the dam question, Jew."

"Fuck you."

The brunette groaned in annoyance and dropped his head back. "Stop being so fucking boring!"

Kyle took a moment to stretch his limbs and take note of the time. He'd been working for an hour straight and he was pretty much finished with his essay, so there was no harm in having a little break, right?

"Fine, will one game of Xbox be enough for you to leave me alone?" Cartman's mood seemed to have lightened, because he hopped out of his chair almost instantly. His sanity had been saved.

"Make it two and you've got yourself a deal."

Kyle rolled his eyes but nodded in agreement. "I'll be on in five, I need'a go to the bathroom first."

"Kay, see you in a sec."

**End of call.**

When Kyle returned from the bathroom to put his laptop on hibernate, he spotted a message from Cartman.

_u still didnt answer my question jooboy_

He was going to ignore it as he was going to be talking to the brunette within the next minute, but he typed an answer anyway.

_I would rather join in, because fucking my parents is something I've totally always wanted to do._

...

_nice_


	3. TTtoCT

**for Guest and RockQueen98 - i know a go on about it, but it does wonder me at the amount of people who crave this pairing haha**

**thanks for the wonderful comments so far!  
(oh yeah, i may or may not have added clyde)**

* * *

**Incoming Skype call from Tweek Tweak to Craig Tucker**

"Craig? Craig, Is that you? I can't see you, where are you? Craig, are you there? Oh, man, where the hell are you?!" Tweek sat with his back against the armchair of the living room couch, his iPad resting on his knees and his face no further than three inches away from the screen.

"Calm down, you spaz, I'm right here."

Tweek's nerves started to calm when the face of his friend appeared on the screen. Craig was on his bed, his laptop in his lap. The blond opened his mouth to say something, but halted when he noticed a familiar figure sitting next to Craig. "Who- who's that?"

"It's just Clyde." He tilted the screen sideways. Clyde glanced over, giving a quick wave and a 'Sup, dude!' before turning back to his game.

"Oh, hey man! So like, what are you guys up to?"

"Hanging out. Donovan's playing some lame ass game."

"_You're_ lame." Clyde mumbled, his eyes glued to the character on the TV screen.

Tweek nodded, "Sounds.. fun." He would have been offended about not being invited along too, but it just then came to him that _he_ was the one that said he couldn't come out today. It was a Tuesday. And if there's one thing that Tweek didn't like, it was Tuesdays.

"Has Token been round to see you yet?" Craig asked, giving his blond friend a small smile to comfort him.

"Uh, I don't think-"

"He said he was going to see you after your Doctor's appointment. How did it go, by the way?"

Tweek chewed nervously at the stringy ends of his sleeve. "Fine. It was fine."

"Whatchya talk about?" Clyde questioned. He was obviously concerned for his friend too, but not enough to pause his game.

"Just stuff."

"What did you do?"

"I, uh- I learned some new exercises."

Craig gave a short nod. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. Like, I got given a stress ball. To, you know, relieve stress and stuff." The blond scraped a hand through his hair, his stubby fingers getting caught in the knots. Just talking about the subject made him feel awkward and embarrassed, even if it was in front of his best friends. Craig, Clyde and Token never judged him for going to these meetings, in fact, they supported him more than anything. But it still made Tweek feel as if he was an outcast to the group. Like he was different, like there was something wrong with him. Okay, so he may have been diagnosed with Vertigo and suffering from anxiety, but that was besides the point. He just feared that his friends would treat him differently.

"Cool. You coming over then or what?" Craig dismissed the subject, because he could see that the blond wasn't in the right mood to talk about it. Especially with a certain brunette sitting next to him. Clyde wasn't bad at listening to other people's problems, but when faced with an awkward silence, he would normally fuck up the situation by saying something stupid.

"What, right now?"

"Yeah, Clyde's leaving soon anyway."

The brunette frowned slightly. "I am?"

"Yeah, you've been here since school ended."

"..So?"

Craig rolled his eyes, "That was four hours ago."

Clyde muttered something under his breath, though it wasn't heard clearly for the other two. "But- but then what about Token?" Tweek asked, starting to worry about not being here when his friend would turn up.

"I dunno, I'll text him or something."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, now get your butt over here already."

Tweek replied with a grin and tapped the screen of the tablet. Just as he was ending the call, he heard a brief outburst made by Clyde.

"Fine, I know where I'm not wanted! God, Craig, you're just jealous that Tweekers and I have a special bond togeth-"

**End of call.**


	4. KBtoSM

**for Kizi1999, because you said you prefer style (psst, yeah, go kyman)**

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**Incoming FaceTime call from Kyle Broflovski to Stan Marsh.**

"Dude, what happened last night, you didn't call me?"

"Oh yeah, forgot. Sorry." Stan replied, his apology not sounding the least bit genuine. He was too hungover from last night's gathering to care about anything right now and so he opted to spend the whole day in bed trying to recover.

"So, you gonna tell me what happened?"

"Dunno, don't remember." Stan's voice was muffled by his blanket.

"How did you get home?"

"Walked."

"What, you walked home last night?"

"No."

Kyle sighed at the lack of conversation. He knew Stan was hungover, but there was no need to be so blunt. "Well if you're gonna be like that - I'm not talking to you."

The raven groaned and shoved the duvet off himself, his face coming into the view of Kyle's screen. His eyes were half-lidded and his onyx hair stuck up at different angles. Kyle noticed this and tried to stifle a smile. "Alright, I'm sorry." Stan spoke, "I was still at Clyde's, so I walked home about six this morning. Sorry for ditching you out last night too, don't know what I was thinking."

"Okay." The redhead replied, accepting the apology. It wasn't the first time Stan had gone overboard with drinking and Kyle knew it certainly wouldn't be the last. Stan acted differently when he was drunk. He would be rude and speak his mind. He sometimes became quite aggressive too, and unfortunately for Kyle, he was the one that the raven would take it out on. Last night was one of those times. It wasn't so bad though, Stan had witnessed Wendy making out with a senior. With the raven's feelings towards the girl still sensitive, he ended up shoving his best friend into a wall, before doubling his alcohol intake. After that, he threw up and blacked out.

"It's not. Look, I'm not trying to pass the blame or whatever, but if it weren't for Kenny and Clyde pressuring me to drink, I wouldn't have got that bad." They both knew that wasn't strictly true, because after seeing that guy have one of his hands cupping Wendy's ass and the other halfway up her shirt, Stan would have drunk excessively anyway.

"Whatever, Stan, it's done. I just came to check how you were anyway."

"I know, but I-" Stan sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Seeing Kyle's disappointed expression just made him feel guiltier by the second. "Kyle, honestly, I'm sorry. Just- just come round, okay?"

"Uh, I don't know, dude, it's already like five and Ike wants me to-"

"Please? I was a total dick to you and you don't need that. Come round and I'll make it up to you, I swear."

Kyle hesitated. He really wanted to, but he felt like he always gave in too easily sometimes. Stan was just one of those people that you couldn't stay angry at. "Okay. Okay, I'll come round, just as long as you take a shower first."

The raven smiled with delight, probably the first one of the day. "Thanks, dude. I'll see you in like, what- ten minutes?"

"Yeah. I'll just got tell ma."

"Alright, see ya."

"Bye, Stan."

**End of call.**

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**"i'll make it up to you" LOL, I WONDER WHAT THAT COULD BE, HM?  
i should really upload some smut  
anyway, thanks!**


	5. WTtoSM

for ketalo! i originally wanted to throw the whole 'lets just be friends' thing in, but then remembered that this is meant to be a pairing thingy, so my plan had'a change

* * *

**Incoming Skype call from Wendy Testerburger to Stan Marsh.**

Stan flinched at the sight of his computer screen. _Wendy?_ He thought. _I thought she hated me?_ The pair hadn't spoken in weeks and it was, in fact, their longest breakup yet. Stan accepted the call anxiously. "Wendy?" He spoke, immediately grabbing his phone from the side and tapping away at the screen. Kyle had to know about this, he didn't care if the redhead had no interest at all with his love life with Wendy.

"Hey, Stan."

"What are you- I thought you told me to never speak to you again?"

"I did?" She quirked her head, the question she wanted to ask already being answered. She had completely forgotten about that.

"Yeah, you kinda did."

"Oh," She paused, trying to piece things together, "wait, so the reason why you haven't been talking to me is because of what I said?"

"Uh-huh,"

"Oh." She said again. Well at least she knew the reason why Stan had been ignoring her this whole time. All that effort of wearing shorter skirts, tighter tops and making out with random guys in front of the ebony-haired boy, for nothing. "You're such an idiot, Stan."

He frowned, "Huh?" mild offence was taken from the comment.

"When a girl tells you not to speak to her ever again, she doesn't actually mean it! God, all this time I thought you had finally moved on, found another girl or something. I mean, you didn't even get jealous when I tried getting off with that guy at Clyde's party! All you did was turn away - I thought you would at least get angry at me!"

Stan blinked, trying to understand what the hell was going on. So she was trying to make _him_ jealous? _But I thought she was the one moving on?_ He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it as he couldn't think of what to say. He looked down at his phone and opened a message from Kyle.

_'Dude, don't fall for it, she did this last time to you._' Was what it read. His eyes observed the text for a further few moments, before returning to the screen. Wendy wasn't looking at him - she was looking above her webcam, where her TV sat. The sound of his voice brought her out of her daze.

"Wendy, I think there's been some misunderstanding here."

"Yes, there clearly has. God, I so hate it when we're like this."

"Yeah, me too." Agreeing, he decided to leave the part about throwing a fit when he did see Wendy having her tongue stuck down that other guy's throat. She didn't need to know that. "So, where do we go from here?" He looked down again, seeing another message appear.

_'Stan, she's going to want to get back with you. Don't get sucked into it, okay?'_

"Well.. maybe we could, I don't know, give it another try?"

The onyx glanced between his phone and his computer. He was in a dilemma. Kyle was completely right, but his feelings for Wendy were still raw. Could he really say no that easily?

"I- I think," He paused. What ever he was going to say would be wrong either way. It was a matter of choosing between his heart, his brain and of course, his dick. When thinking of it like that, there was no other answer. "we could try one last time. Because otherwise we'll never get anywhere."

Wendy reflected on that for a moment. It seemed fair. If they did work it out, then hooray for romance, and if they didn't, then they would just go their separate ways. Though, if they both thought hard about it, the latter would most likely to happen. But even then, they would either forget about the conversation of moving on for good, or they would choose to ignore it and forever will they be in this continuous circulation of an on and off relationship.

"That seems like a good idea, Stan. One last time and if it doesn't work out, we'll go our separate ways then?"

"Yeah, I suppose so."

She lit up an appealing smile. "Okay. Let's do it."

"So, I'll come and pick you up for school tomorrow then?"

"Sure thing. See you tomorrow!"

"Bye, Wends."

**End of Call.**

A wave of relief caused the tension in Stan's shoulders to release and he sunk further into his chair. Was he going to try harder this time? Possibly. Was he going to loose his shit if he saw her talking too flirtatiously to another guy again? Possibly. The vibration of his phone caused his attention again. He had two more unread messages. One was obviously from Kyle and the other was from Kenny.  
Kyle's read,  
_'You took her back, didn't you? I can't believe you-_-'_

Kenny's read,  
_'kyle just told me. WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T GO INTO THE LIIGHHTT!'_

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**can never get enough of kenny ayy**


	6. CTtoKB

**for Guest who asked for Cryle! - don't have a problem with this pairing, i just found it difficult to get a plot, seeing as it's quite uncommon. this is a boring one, but i thought i'd give it a go at 2 in the freakin' morning!**

**my fav pairing is coming up after this one, as 2 people have requested it. MUAHAHAHA I WILL ENJOY EVERY MOMENT**

* * *

**Incoming FaceTime call from Craig Tucker to Kyle Broflovski.**

Kyle was surprised at the name of the caller. Why was Craig Tucker FaceTiming him? More importantly, why did he feel the need to call him at ten in the evening? Nonetheless, he hesitantly answered. "Uh, Craig?"

"Broflovski." He greeted back. "You got that homework sheet for Math?"

Kyle blinked down at the screen, processing the question through his head for a moment or two before answering, "Homework? You mean the one due in tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, It's in my book somewhere."

"Can I borrow it? I haven't done it and I don't want to get detention again."

The redhead noticed that Craig's tone of voice was more of a demand rather than a question. There was no way he was going to give the stubborn asshole all the answers - If he was too lazy not to do it in the first place, then he should suffer the consequences. However, what Kyle interpreted was different from what Craig actually asked.

"No, dude, work the answers out for yourself. I'm not walking all the way over to yours so you can copy my work. Fuck that."

The onyx frowned slightly, agitated by his friend's rejection. "No, dumbass, I was asking if I could borrow the piece with the questions on. I lost the sheet with all the shit on it."

"Oh," Kyle said, realising what was actually meant. Craig was blunt, but he was never normally clear about anything. He would never act awkward, though he did make some situations incredibly awkward. He would reply with irrelevant answers or actions (namely, the infamous middle finger). He would leave classes without a reason. He still named his forever dying guinea pigs Stripe and he always wore a blue bandanna around his right ankle. The bandanna was a mystery, but no-one ever mentioned it. He was a little quirky, but this was about as far as he would get from being normal. "Well I guess you can have it, but all my answers are written on the sheet. Want me to re-write the questions on a piece of paper?"

Despite the kind gesture of Kyle offering to give up his time on writing another copy, Craig completely ignored it. "No, I can't read your writing. Just hold up the sheet to the camera so I can write it down."

"Okay, hang on." The redhead reached into his bag and pulled out his book. He quickly shuffled through to the middle and shook out the piece of paper. Luckily, the homework wasn't double sided, so it wouldn't take too long.

As Kyle held up the sheet in the dim lighting, Craig began to scribble down the words and numbers in bold. He did a half-assed job of it as well, but that thought was the least of his worries. He just wanted to get the work over and done with. It was when the onyx was halfway through writing the fifth equation down, when Kyle realized something. "Hang on a minute, didn't you just say you can't read my writing?"

"Mhm." He replied, not looking up from desk.

"But then.." The redhead paused for a second, mildly deep in thought, "why don't you just take the sheet from me tomorrow morning then?"

"Because you already wrote your answers on them." Craig retorted, adding, "Duh."

"Yeah.. but you wouldn't be able to read them."

"I would still have to re-write them all out though."

"True, but then I wouldn't have to stay up -like I am right now- waiting for you to copy all the questions down."

The raven ignored the comment and continued to write the last question down.

"..And then I could actually get on with more important things."

Craig was certainly listening, though still lacked a response.

"..Like sleeping."

The sarcasm in Kyle's voice caused Craig to mentally smile. He looked back up to his screen and blinked. The dumb look told the redhead that he totally wasn't listening to what he had just said. But Craig was incredibly skilled at manipulating his expressions. The Broflovski kid was the only one he liked outside his own group of friends. Stan was too big-headed and greedy for him, Kenny was annoyingly too charming and Cartman was just a fucking asshole. Even though Kyle had a bit of a temper on him, it was understanding, considering the shit he had to put up with from the other three. He did like Kyle and yes, he agreed that his company was rather enjoyable.

Though there was no way he would ever admit that.

"You're retarded." He spoke, out of the blue.

"Huh?"

"Whatever, I'm done."

Kyle frowned once again and dropped his homework sheet onto the desk. "You're very fucking welcome, Craig."

"Cool. See you in class."

And the second before Craig ended the call, he rose his middle finger towards the screen, a smirk appearing in the corner of his lips. Kyle noticed the playful gesture and decided against spitting an angry slur back.

Kyle enjoyed the sarcasm too.

**End of call.**

* * *

**two things which are actual real life experiences (if anyone wants to know haha),,,  
**1: between the ages of 13 and 14, i used to wear a red bandanna around my ankle. because british schools suck, i was sometimes told to take it off. thinking about it, majority of the time i got away with it  
2: i've owned hamsters since the age of 9 and i've called everyone of them angus. from.. ac/dc. it's like a ritual now, there's no other name allowed. just angus. (i'm now on angus the VIII. his name will live on)**  
**


	7. KMtoCT

**sorry for the wait, bad things are happening at home for me and i'm just a bit of a mess. i also had my german speaking exam, AND IT ALL WENT OKAY! but anyway, enough about that, this is for Guest &amp; Badum... and myself**

YOUR WONDERFUL MESSAGES ARE SENDING ME GOOD VIBES !

* * *

**Incoming Skype call from Kenny McCormick to Craig Tucker.**

"Just so you know, I'm only agreeing to this because it's Clyde's birthday. Any other occasion and I would have told you to go and fuck yourself."

"Whatever, dude, you're just trying to cover up the fact that you wanna hang out with me."

"We aren't hanging out. We're contacting each other through webcam, because you and I both don't have any call credit."

Kenny's playful grin separated, his teeth coming into view and his chuckle unmasking itself. "Call it whateva' ya want, Tucker, we're still hangin' out."

Craig effortlessly lifted his middle finger. Kenny was annoying to people like Craig. Their personalities were completely different and Craig often had a hard time trying to like the blond. Kenny knew this very well and liked to annoy the miserable looking boy whenever he could. The weren't really considered friends, more acquaintances. Kenny was good friends with Clyde and Token, which only meant the pair would talk now and again. Kenny was just about tolerable when it came to being alone with the raven, but he would become quite the show off when he was with his friends. Craig felt the same way about Clyde, but for some reason, the brunette was his best friend and so he had to put up with him.

"So, anyway, seeing as Clyde's turning eighteen, I think we should throw him a party."

Craig grimaced at the thought of having to plan this suggestion. "Yeaah, no."

"What, why not?"

"We aren't throwing him a party."

"I had a party for my eighteenth."

"That's because you pretty much begged the guys to give you one and when it came to it, you acted so surprised- as if you weren't expecting it."

Kenny blinked, recollecting the memory of his birthday that took place just a month ago. "Your point being.."

"No party, McCormick."

Kenny groaned and dropped his head into his palm. "Don't be a downer, Craig, Clyde will totally love it."

"No, he won't."

"Dude, he loves the drugs and alcohol atmosphere, so if we-"

"No," The onyx cut him off, his tone snappy. "_you_ like the drugs and alcohol atmosphere. Clyde likes drinking and playing Xbox."

There was a pause. Kenny really wanted to throw their friend a party. He wanted to get Clyde so fucked out of his face, because that's what he was good at - Getting people drunk and having a good time. "C'mon, I'll even throw in a stripper."

"You think that's suppose to change my mind?"

Kenny shrugged, "Okay, two then. One of each gender. That make ya happy, Craig? I know more than anyone at how much you like the male genitalia-"

"He wants to go paintballing."

"Paintballin', huh?" Kenny asked, the sudden idea not seeming so bad. Actually, the idea sounded amazing. "Where?"

The blond noticed Craig's face inch closer to the screen and read out the word "Denver.", which told him that the raven was already on a website looking for possibilities.

"That doesn't.. sound like a bad idea. How much is it?"

"I dunno, probably about thirty dollars each."

Kenny blinked at the screen and noted down the number. The memory of him opening his wallet to see if he had enough money to purchase a smoothie earlier in the day washed over him. "Yeaah, I'm voting for a party instead."

"No."

"But, dude, I'm broke." The blond smacked his pockets for good measure.

"So? This isn't about what you want McCormick, it's about Clyde, so stop acting like a selfish cunt and help me decide what to fucking do."

Kenny made a high pitched 'Oo' sound before adding, "Someone's touchy!"

"You're pissing me off now, bye."

**End of Call.**

The blond pouted at his cracked laptop screen. He had two choices. One would be to turn off his laptop and try and find the rude bastard tomorrow somehow, and the other would be to re-call him. But, of course, Craig was now in a bad mood which meant calling back would only tick him off even more. The was no way Kenny wasn't going to take advantage of the situation.

**Incoming Skype call from Kenny McCormick to Craig Tucker.**

Craig's frown deepened at the sight of the smug picture appearing in the middle of the screen. He could just decline the call. He could just leave the call running until the other would eventually give up. But for some unnamed reason, he accepted the call with a huff.

"I said bye."

"I know, but wait." The onyx didn't reply, so Kenny took that as a sign to continue. "So let's work it out. Let's say, we go paintballin'. That's thirty bucks each, so that's like, what," He started calculating the amount on his fingers. "two hundred and forty bucks, right?"

"Three thirty. Bebe and her bitches wanna go."

"..Fuck, that's hella' lotta' money for a birthday, dude."

"And you think a party is going to be any cheaper?"

Kenny shrugged and muttered, "No, but it'll definitely last longer."

"Whatever, are you in?"

The blond sighed and nodded, despite knowing the lack of funds he had to provide. He didn't really have a choice in choosing. Sure, throwing a party was original and just as expensive as going paintballing, but Kenny could easily purchase some knocked off alcohol, which would have dropped the price by at least half. But there was no arguing when it came to the Tucker boy. It was either his way, or the highway. "Kay, I'm in."

"Good. Oh, I need you to call up and book it for me."

"What, why me?"

"Because you're good at haggling. If it's a girl, you can just charm your way through to a good deal."

A grin grew from both corners of Kenny's lips. Did the stubborn asshole just compliment him? "Are you saying I'm charming, Tucker?"

Craig frowned and rose both his middle fingers. "No. You're perverted."

"But you just said I can charm my way-"

"Shut up. I'll send you link to the website."

The blond chuckled at the raven's attempt of changing the subject. He totally just complimented him.

"Asshole." Craig muttered before hanging up.

**End of Call.**

Before Craig had the chance to log out, a small notification appeared at the bottom of the screen. _What the fuck does he want now?_ Craig thought as he clicked onto the name.

_can i borrow 30 bucks pls, i swear i'll pay ya back :):):):):):)_

The cheap bastard. 

* * *

(the image for this photo is crenny and it fits perfectly bye)


	8. KMtoKM

**woa, not updated in about 4 decades *wipes dust away from fanfiction***

**i AM continuing this, but i'm writing like nine different southpark fics too. lol rip me.**

_-for RoseBadwolf1000, nope i'm not abandoning requests! though it's like 1 in the morning and when i finished writing this, i was like hell yea! and now i'm like ? how badly is this written?_  
_will redo it later, but right now, i just needed to update hehe_

**if anyone is still sticking with this, i salute you twice**

* * *

**Incoming Skype call from Karen McCormick to Kenny McCormick.**

"Sup, Kraken," Kenny greeted as he made his way out of Stan's living room to speak to his younger sister in privacy. He didn't exactly want her hearing any of Cartman's racial hate slurs, despite already hearing the equivalent from their parents on a daily basis.

"Hey, Kenny." She smiled lazily.

"And what may I do for you on this fine evening?" He grinned back and took a seat outside on one of the steps that lead to the Broflovski's front door. The air was bitter and cold, but the blond didn't mind. He was about to have a smoke anyway.

"I couldn't sleep."

"Wait, where are you?" He asked, popping one of his last cigarettes into his mouth.

"In my room. Ruby let me borrow her laptop for a few days."

"That was nice of her." He mumbled as he fished through one of his pockets to retrieve a small box of matches. Karen watched her brother through the darkness, only being able to see Kenny's face by the porch light shining above him.

"Yeah. She's not as bad as people say."

The blond hummed in response and lit up his cigarette. Karen was never keen on Kenny being a smoker. He took after their eldest brother, Kevin, who also picked up the bad habit from their parents. But there was nothing she could do but voice her opinion to them. Even _if_ they never listened. She was only eleven after all.

"Couldn't sleep, huh?" Karen was snapped out of her thoughts and her gaze moved from the cigarette in Kenny's mouth, to his bright blue eyes.

"Yeah." She replied. "It feels weird without you and Kev here. It's too quiet, even with the neighbours arguing."

"Where is that asshole anyway?" The blond questioned, taking a drag into his cigarette. Karen was right though. Without Kevin and Kenny there to piss their parents off, Stuart and Carol were much quieter to be around. Their arguing was more of bickering and it rarely became physical during the recent years. But for some reason, the boys always ended up being on the wrong side of Stuart and that's how their family was a complete tearaway. Karen, being the angel of the family always seemed to be able to calm the family rage a bit. In a way, it made her feel like the black sheep, being the only one who rarely caused a fuss between her relatives.

"I think he's at his girlfriend's the night."

"Which one?"

"She came by about an hour ago. She was blond."

"Short hair or long hair?"

"Long, I think."

Kenny scoffed and shook his head. "Ah, that one. She's like two years older than him, works at that Seven Eleven place in town."

Karen blinked at the information Kenny was giving her. It had no relevance to her at all and honestly, she had no idea how the blond knew this girl that Kevin was apparently dating. Not wanting to get into that conversation, she changed the subject. "When are you coming home?"

Kenny poked the cracked screen on his phone to reveal the time. It was nearing midnight and he really couldn't be bothered to walk all the way home in the cold. "I'm at Stan's. I'm staying round here tonight, but I'll be back first thing tomorrow morning to take you to school." He smiled, already feeling bad for leaving his little sister alone without he or Kevin there to protect her if something were to go wrong. "Well, I'll be in Stan's car. We'll give you a ride to school."

"Okay." Karen nodded, "In the meantime, could you help me sleep?"

The blond thought for a moment. He could tell her a story, just like most people. The only problem was, was that Karen loved his stories so much, that she became too involved in them. This would only cause her to become even more awake than before, especially when it came to the stories of Princess Kenny.

A light bulb sparked inside Kenny's mind as he thought of the perfect solution. "Use my YouTube account, there's a playlist on there which has all the songs we used to listen to when we were younger. You've still got those headphones I gave you, right?"

Already opening a new tab, Karen hummed in response as she typed the website into the search engine. "What's your user?"

"I'll type it to you in a sec. Uh, yeah.. I've sorta got some weird stuff on there, so just look for the playlist that says, 'the season to sing'."

"Season to sing?"

"You'll understand when you hear some of the songs. Like, they're impossible _not_ to sing along to."

Karen chuckled and returned back to the Skype window. "If you say so,"

"Anyways. Be safe and I'll see you 'morrow, kay?"

"Uh-huh! See you tomorrow, Ken."

Kenny winked and saluted using his two fingers. "Love ya," He grinned, before clicking the hang up button.

**End of call.**

Karen sat and waited patiently for her brother to type his details into the chat box. She could see the three dotted lines, indicating that he was in the middle of typing and as soon as he clicked enter, Karen couldn't help but laugh at his choice of username and password.

_name: sexyKendollMcwhorermilk69_

_pass: nakedironman1_

_..don't ask lmfao. sleep well x_


	9. KMtoEC

**for CreeperKiller55 and SouthParkWritter197 - thanks for requesting this, i freakin love these two together!**

_am i the only one who thinks the four boys are so much like the four from the inbetweeners? (uk, obviously;)) - old show, but still my fav of all time_

**don't ask where this came from..**

* * *

_send help_

Cartman frowned at the text he had just received from his best friend, Kenny. No longer than five minutes ago was the scrawny blond sat next to him watching an episode of 1000 ways to die. How long ago did Kenny leave? Most importantly, where the hell was he? Rolling his eyes, Cartman decided to ignore him. There was no way he was going to get off his backside and go look for the poor boy.

**Incoming FaceTime call from Kenny McCormick to Eric Cartman.**

_Really_. Cartman thought, as he observed the caller ID on his phone. His thumb hovered over the green button, hesitating for a few moments and longing out the call. Eventually, he decided to answer.

"Asshole for reading my text and not replying." Cartman heard as he saw the blond appear into view. "What if I was dying right now, huh?" He added.

But the brunette wasn't interested in his friend's sarcastic play talk. "Where the fuck are you?"

"Why don't you come find me?"

Cartman squinted his eyes and tried to see past Kenny's face. The room looked rather bright, but it didn't look like natural light. He was definitely in a room and the more Cartman observed the wall behind his friend, the more he could sense that it was one of the rooms inside his house. Spotting a small flower pot peeking its way beside Kenny's head, the brunette knew exactly where he was.

"You're in my bathroom, aren't you."

"It must be telepathy!"

"Are you- are you taking a shit?"

Grinning, Kenny raised his hand so that Cartman could see him sitting on the toilet. The blond's jeans were sagged down to his ankles, along with his black underwear. The brunette scoffed and shook his head. "Gross, dude. How long have you been in there?"

"Like half an hour. Do you not remember me getting up?"

The brunette shrugged. "I was too busy eating."

"Dude, we had like a ten minute conversation comparing our average shits before I said I really needed to go."

"...And it's taken you half an hour to take a crap?"

"Yeah. Well, I haven't exactly.. gone yet."

Cartman quirked an eyebrow at his friend, realizing that Kenny still had his arm up in the air. "Put your phone back down, I don't wanna see your skinny ass legs."

Dropping his arm, Kenny continued, "I think I might be constipated."

"That's 'cause your family's inbred." Cartman stated, as if it were a matter of fact. "Everyone knows that inbred people have a hard time trying to shit. Know why? 'Cause their bowels are all stodgy and knead around like bread. Hence why it's called _in-bread_"

Kenny narrowed his eyes and for a moment, he wasn't sure whether Cartman was being sarcastic as usual, or just being incredibly stupid. But seeing the smirk tug from the corner of the brunette's lips, Kenny knew Cartman was just being an asshole.

"Still adamant that my family are fuck buddies, huh?"

Cartman nodded, "I bet you, your dad and your brother all gather for a gang bang every night before blowing your load all over your sister and-"

"What the fuck?!" The blond flinched. "Dude, you've seriously gotta' go see someone if you're describing these kind fantasies to me."

"Yeah, your fantasies." Cartman mumbled, thought it was heard quite clearly by Kenny. "I bet you lay in your bed every night and think about how much you want to suck your brother's-"

"Stop it!" Kenny shook his head and cringed, trying to frown away the sick image he currently had in his head.

Cartman sniggered along to his own joke. "What? Can't help being in denial?"

"Do you want me to kick your ass?" The blond retorted, though he found Cartman's idea of his stereotype very amusing. It was probably true somewhere down the family line. Being inbred, that is.

"I'm not the one constipated."

Kenny groaned at the reminder and dropped his head between his forearms. This really wasn't helping him go. "Got any laxatives?" He asked, changing the subject and raising his head.

"Try fisting yourself."

Kenny rose his middle finger. "I'm fuckin' serious, man. You got any, or nah?"

Cartman's cruel mind debated whether he should hand him some or not. He could let his friend suffer in what could be, an hour's worth of pain. Or.. he could just tell him to look in the cabinet on the left. The brunette's inner bastard was telling him to go with the latter.

"Sorry, dude. You're on your own with this one."

Kenny groaned again, this time with more frustration. It was times like these where he really cursed his family for being too poor to buy fresh fruit and vegetables. Hearing that sadistic laugh from the other side of the phone, the blond braced himself for the torment he was sure to receive from his friend in the near future. There was no way Cartman was going to let Kenny deal with his constipation in peace.

"Hey, about that fisting idea I suggested.."

Kenny shook his head and quickly tapped the screen. He wanted to end this call immediately. It was bad enough having to hear the brunette laugh from downstairs, let alone right next to his ear.

Cartman really knew how to be a bastard to his best friend.

**End of call.**


	10. CDtoCT

**For, Overrated Fiction , decided to go with your second request instead;)**

_i really apologise to those i haven't done yet. but i reeaally can't do Dip, Gregchristoph(however you spell it) or anything to do with Marjorine. I just struggle with them and i'd rather do something i'm more confident with, ya kno? .SP, you've requested that pairing at least three times and i apologise again for not getting back to you. but you gotta give me something else to play with here;p i hope you're okay with that!_

* * *

**Incoming FaceTime call from Clyde Donovan to Craig Tucker.**

"You know, you look incredibly stupid when you do that." Craig said, unamused by Clyde's attempt to pull off the puppy dog eyes.

"It's not even cute." He added, "Just annoying."

The brunette's eyes glazed over and he pushed his lips into a pout, trying his best to look as innocent as ever. It normally worked with everyone he knew. His upset look was rather cute and it was nearly impossible to ignore such a heartbreaking look. However, Craig knew Clyde like the back of his hand and wasn't going to fall for the trick. "Stop it, Clyde."

Clyde sniffed and shuffled across his bed so that the light could illuminate his facial expressions. He really wanted Craig to cave in and tell him what he had planned for his birthday. Everyone at school had been acting rather sneaky towards him, subtly asking him a series of questions such as, 'What's your favourite food?' and 'if you could go anywhere between South Park and Denver, where would it be?'. Normally, Clyde was rather oblivious to this sort of stuff, but with these questions being asked so close to his birthday, it was just too plain obvious.

"That's it, I'm hanging up,"

"Okay, okay! I'll stop!" Clyde said frantically, wiping away the crocodile tears that were on the verge of escaping his eyes. "Christ, have you no heart at all, Craig?"

The taller male simply shrugged. "Quit being a brat. You've only got to wait a week."

"A week too freakin' long!" The brunette groaned, falling back onto the couch. "All I wanna know is what I'm doing."

Craig opened his mouth to tell his friend to shut the hell up and stop pestering him about the whole ordeal, but Clyde really insisted in knowing. "Like, am I having a birthday party?" The brunette's eyebrows wiggled together. "Are you throwing me a party, Craig?"

Craig sighed and by that, Clyde should have known better. Craig disliked the party themed birthday. "Taking me to Taco Bell?" He asked with the same amount of enthusiasm as the previous guess. Clyde didn't care what the hell he was doing for his birthday; the suspense of the surprise was completely worth it.

"Clyde." Craig spoke, his agitated tone contrasting with his best friend's.

"You sending me away, huh? Am I going to Spain?! Wait, no, Disney Land?!"

"_Donovan_." Craig said sternly. Because Clyde (and many others) sometimes got mixed up between Craig's usual self with his actual anger, using their last name was the Tucker boy's way of expressing his last nerve. Though, he usually stuck with the surname calling to a particular few. Those particular few being namely Eric, Stan, Kenny and Kyle.

"God dammit." The brunette mumbled and looked away from the camera, his hype completely deflating. Well.. not completely. He was still pretty excited, but Craig couldn't care less if his friend went stroppy on him. In fact, it made his life much easier.

A few seconds passed with neither of them saying anything to each other. Clyde's mind was wondering to all the things he would be doing on his birthday, and Craig was just grateful for the silence. But, of course, that moment of quietness never lasted long with Clyde.

"You got me anything for my birthday yet, Craig?"

"Yes."

"What'chya get me?"

The slightly elder teen closed his eyes and sighed.

"Have you wrapped it yet?"

"No."

"Is it.. big?"

"Yes."

Clyde's mouth tugged into a playful grin. "Is it blue and have black hair?"

"Yes."

"Is it a stubborn asshole?"

Craig opened his mouth to reply 'yes', but something in that question didn't sound right. It either meant himself being a stubborn asshole, or it meant.. something else. The raven narrowed his eyes and slowly raised his middle finger. "We're done here, Clyde."

Clyde sniggered and waved goodbye to the camera, bidding his last few words before Craig could hang up. "Love you too, Craig Fucker!"

**End of call.**

* * *

**YOUR MESSAGES ARE WARMING THE COCKLES OF ME OL' HEART, THANK YOU**

_muahaha "is it big" pffff_

_no _

_pfff_


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